Strawberry Shortcake, Banana Split, We Think Your Team Plays Like...

A rival insurgent group that must be destroyed at all costs.

We tend to think that this is a major reason that soccer isn't in any danger of catching on in the good old US of A in the near future. Brazilian soccer fans in Sao Paolo want to blow up fans of another team? There's seriously nothing better to do in Sao Paolo? Isn't that where Gisele is from? We don't pretend to understand.

Bottom line, when you have to wear riot gear to an away game--or for fear that Orenthal will finally exact justice from you--it sort of takes the fun out of sport. We mean, we can't even picture this happening with an Alabama/Auburn game. No, we picture more camo-hat, compound-bow-and-arrow attacks on the Tide fans as they're leaving the Jordan-Hare...none of this yellow, sneak grenade attack on the bus BS.