Strawberry Shortcake, Banana Split, We Think Your Team Plays Like...

A rival insurgent group that must be destroyed at all costs.

We tend to think that this is a major reason that soccer isn't in any danger of catching on in the good old US of A in the near future. Brazilian soccer fans in Sao Paolo want to blow up fans of another team? There's seriously nothing better to do in Sao Paolo? Isn't that where Gisele is from? We don't pretend to understand.

Bottom line, when you have to wear riot gear to an away game--or for fear that Orenthal will finally exact justice from you--it sort of takes the fun out of sport. We mean, we can't even picture this happening with an Alabama/Auburn game. No, we picture more camo-hat, compound-bow-and-arrow attacks on the Tide fans as they're leaving the Jordan-Hare...none of this yellow, sneak grenade attack on the bus BS.

Roger Brown Can't Help Stinking

Everyone's least favorite Cleveland sports writer, Roger Brown, now plies his trade for the News Herald. This just came to our attention, and we felt obligated to share. We're sure Roger Brown is a nice guy, he just sucks as a sports writer. We love that Roger's departure from the Plain Dealer (a paragon of suck in its own right) was couched as a personal decision, as opposed to the shitcanning it seems like it actually was. For those unfamiliar with the News Herald, it's a step above your high school paper. Seriously. Oh, and in addition, he gets skewered by espn.com's Sports Guy. Rog can't catch a break.

Hasn't Isiah Done Something Stupid?

Slow day in the sports world, although we're interested to see it, when this is the top story on cnnsi.com

Reds' Bailey to debut on Friday

Good luck, kid. First tip's free: keep the ball on the inside of the plate to that Hafner guy.

Stay as Long as You Like

You may think you've seen this picture before, but this scene was actually recreated this morning when the AP reported:

Flip Saunders will be back as coach of the Detroit Pistons next season, an NBA official with knowledge of the team's plans said Monday night.

"The Pistons are bringing Flip back!! There's still one coach in the conference who Mike Brown can outcoach!!" Two years in a row Mike has gotten over on Flip, which is amazing considering our friend Liff is a better tactician than Mike Brown. Run the random offense, Mike, that stuff is gold.

Joe Dumars should expect a signed thank you note and will get a ring if the Cavs bring one home in the Flip Saunders era, as a tribute to his contribution to the Cavs' success. Good luck getting the team to play for him after they blamed the loss to the Cavs squarely on him--feel bad for Flip, though, he's about as guilty as OJ.

Frye on the Side

Leading with the Browns today. Heard on espn that Derek Anderson expects to be heard from in the QB race...Derek, Don Strock and Mike Pagel may be heard from in this year's QB race, so don't get too excited pal. We actually expect Anderson to win the starting job this year, to hold the place for Brady for a year, and look for Chaz Frye to be dealt before Game 1--think Vikings, his "mustache" would go well with the purple unis. The team site has a story about how DA's been so far.

Quinn has no chance if he's not in camp on time--OJ used to want to kill fools who held out--which Tony Grossi so astutely points out, among other non-sensical thoughts and ramblings. The quotes from Berea are obviously the best part of his piece.

Braylon Doesn't Just Give to the Kiddies

Braylon Edwards is not a favorite of the Search, at least not to this point in his career. The fact that he went to Michigan has nothing to do with it...until you start to think "he's a dick, he drops balls, he skips practices, he may not play his hardest every play...AND he went to Michigan!" That just piles on.

However, we're hoping Braylon brings it this year, coming off of a statistical year that was pretty impressive considering his return from knee surgery. His $1 million gift to the City of Cleveland public schools is a good step as far as maturity (and is an amazing gesture, way to go, Braylon), and shows a commitment to the city. We only wish he weren't so generous to the Browns' opponents. According to a "scientific" study at espn.com, Braylon is responsible for more INT's and near INT's than any other receiver. While we are skeptical about the raw numbers, and the willingness of Brentwood residents to tell us what they know, the point is Braylon's at the top of these bad lists, and that needs to change.

Cleveland Rocks

Every so often the praises of Cleveland sports are sung from far and wide. Our hunch is that as Cleveland sports fans you scour the PD, ABJ and Canton Rep without any encouragement from us, so we'll leave those to you. We thought we'd save you the trouble of seeking them out, and provide them in a nifty little bulletpoint format here:

Cavs:

• LeBron is good says the NY Times
• The LA Times notes that the Cavs have never been to the NBA Finals. We knew that.
• Did the NY Times mention that LeBron is really sweet?

Browns:

• In a shocking upset, Brady Quinn may hold out. Or he may not.

Tribe:

• We're having visions of '95 all over again...