Rumor Has It

We're hearing from Cleveland that sources have confirmed to the Trivosonno show on WTAM that Joe T. and Easy E Wright have signed. No terms released, but that's the chatter.

Can't be sure, obviously, but this would be great news if it's true.

Update: It's official. Joe T. is inked for 5 years, $42.5mm, $22-23mm guaranteed.

Take Your Time...Except Winslow

Gary Baxter and LeCharles Bentley continue their improbable returns from devastating knee injuries, so let's let them percolate a little on the PUP list before rushing them back to the field. KW2, on the other hand, is the best player on the team, so having him on the PUP list to start camp is a little more troubling. Obviously, we don't want to rush him back, but he's gotta be on the field early and often for the Browns to avoid handing the #1 pick in the draft to Face Jones and the Cowboys next year.

It sounds like he's made pretty good progress after his microfracture surgery, and we know he's as tough as they come. What we're most excited about, though, is that he's shut his big stupid trap and is a workhorse now. Let's just hope he can get back to the kind of athleticism that Upper Deck dropped in his rookie/UM card. Snap.

Hit Me

Fausto Carmona is straight dealing of late, making him one of a very few Indians who's been earning his paycheck in July. He's 5-0 w/ a 1.57 ERA in his last 5 starts, including last night's gem against the Red Sox to prevent a home sweep. It made us all tingly in the crotchal area to see him make Papi his bitch 3 times, too. Nice comeback from last year's closing debacle.

The fact of the matter is, Fausto and CC have the front of the rotation in better shape than we can remember as Tribe fans, and it feels pretty damn good to know that 2 days out of 5 you've got an excellent chance at a quality start. The problem, as we've noted is that on another 2 of 5 days, you can be pretty sure of a piece of shit start (Lee, Westbrook).

So, we're happy to see the GM hitting the pavement to figure out who's expendable and who can help fill needs in the event of a trade. Mark, we're dying for some pitching help, whether it be at the back of the rotation or the bullpen...that's what we here in The Search are hoping for. An outfielder who can play everyday and isn't as bad as Trot Nixon would be nice, but let's go with pitching first. Thanks, so much.

Exhibit A

We're not sure which side is going to present the above picture into evidence first, but we suppose an SPCA commendation will make its way into the discussion of this whole Vick deal. The picture kind of leaves us speechless, to be honest. The SPCA THANKING Vick for rescuing 14 Pit Bulls (14!!)...it just drips with irony. Imagine being saved from Katrina, only to take up residence out back at Moonlight Ln. Uhhh...sweet? We're picturing an SPCA representative leaving a message on Vick's answering machine last week saying, "about those 14 pit bulls...we're ready to come and pick them back up now. What's a good time for us to swing by? Thanks."

How many of the 14 do we think Qyntel Woods and Clinton Portis put in for?

It's Orange and Brown Time

That's not meant to be a gross bathroom joke.

The Browns aren't much closer on any of the top 3 draft picks. We're hoping, though, that if Russell gets done soon, at least Thomas will be in camp fairly quickly, as the 1 pick will set up a lot of the rest of the top 10. Still surprised about Wright, but it sounds like the second rounders are tough w/ the new CBA in place.

We tend to agree that the Browns should probably pay Joe T. third pick money, since he's, you know, the third pick in the draft. It'd be tough to pay him first, though, and give him more guaranteed dough than the Raiders were thinking for Russell. That should set the scale.

The ABJ broke out an "insider" to tell us Quinn doesn't have much leverage. We knew that, but thanks for the insight. As we've been saying, there's not much incentive to get him in on unfavorable terms b/c he ain't going to start. However, we are appalled at the suggestion of letting him go back into the draft. That's about the dumbest comment we've heard all week. We traded next year's #1 for Quinn...we're gonna let the Cowboys take him with that pick? Come on, insider.

Seeing's The Most Important Thing

The Tribe is chugging lately, and we can't quite figure out why...aside from Cliff Lee and Jake Westbrook being terrible:

CC put up a great effort last night, thanks for nothing, offense. CC's right about the crowds at the Jake, too. It's embarrassing that this team is near bottom in attendance.

The much anticipated arrival of Adam Miller in Cleveland is upon us...and it's to hang out at the Clininc. We hadn't realized Miller's elbow was still in question. That's un-good news.

Fausto goes tonight. That's a nice 1-2 w/ he and CC. Although, Dice-K and Beckett is strong to quite strong for the Sox.

Jammed Up

It's a little bit busy here today, as we lurk in the bushes in Brentwood, hot on a new scent. So, instead of our typical witty banter, we're going to categorize by team, and give you a few smoking hot links to articles. Enjoy.

Say Hey

We started to get a little bit excited when word started to make the rounds recently that the real life Willie Mays Hayes, Kenny Lofton, might make a return appearance in a Tribe uni at the ripe age of 41. He's killing it right now in Texas, hitting over .300, and looks to be a pretty solid left-handed addition to the suspect platoon going on in the Indians' corner outfield slots. We met Kenny once, on a busted-ass driving range in SoCal, and he was very friendly, and very complimentary about Cleveland and his time there. So, we were extra excited.

HOWEVA, we just heard Tim Kurkjian say on ESPN that the Rangers had asked for Adam Miller in return for Lofton. That's stud, future-ace, pitcher Adam Miller, and not another Adam Miller who catches bullpen session in AA, as we thought it may have been. Apparently, the Rangers' GM was still on a contact high from his 10-year high school reunion when he made that demand. Are you kidding me? John Hart, you clearly left the Rangers in good hands when you bailed, man.

Name Recognition

We've always enjoyed bizarre names, they give us a good chuckle, and there seems to be no more fertile field for names that are fun to say than the world of sports. Where else will you find God Shamgodd, SirValiant Brown, Majestic Mapp and his brother Scientific, Albert Pujols (if he weren't a perennial MVP candidate, he'd no doubt still be famous merely for the proper pronunciation of his last name)? Cherokee Parks? Picabo Street? Orenthal? We could go on for hours, of course.

So, we're going to try a new little feature here in The Search. Each week, we'll lay out for you the sports names that made us the most chuckle-y during the course of the week, and we welcome your contributions. Disclaimer: this is in no way intended to poke fun at the people themselves, their families, various cultures, traditions, languages, etc., but simply an effort to entertain in an admittedly childish fashion. If you can't see the unintentional comedic genius of a name like Scientific Mapp, well, we just can't help you.

Since it's the first week, we'll take it a little light. And we'll be searching like a hawk going forward:

-Jrue Holiday, G, High School -- UCLA hoops recruit, one of the top-rated points in the class of '08.
-Melquan Bolding, F, High School -- Louisville hoops recruit.
-Tjaart Van Der Walt, Golfer
-BenJarvus Green-Ellis, RB, Ole Miss

Stop the Presses

In the non-shocking upset of the day, John Clayton, ESPN.com's "Senior NFL Writer" (is there a Junior NFL Writer?) reports:

Brady Quinn's agent, Tom Condon, met with the Browns on Sunday, but neither side is close to a contract. The Browns opened rookie camp without their top three choices -- left tackle Joe Thomas, Quinn and cornerback Eric Wright.

Among the problems holding up the Quinn negotiations is what to do in the fourth and fifth years if he becomes the team's starting quarterback. He lost about $20 million in guarantees by dropping to the 22nd pick.

We don't expect Quinn in camp anytime soon, especially since he's substantially behind in the QB race at this point. But we're crossing our fingers for Thomas and Wright to get in soon, b/c they're really going to be the impact rookies this year, and we need them to get going.

He Really is a Baller

V-Mart has long been at or near the top of our list of favorite Indians. He straight-up rakes, he's a great leader in the clubhouse, and his high-five routines with everyone on the team are too sweet for words. Plus, he finally stopped throwing with the wrong hand and is now clipping would-be base-stealers at a double-digit rate.

But now, he's catapulted himself even higher in our personal Indians pantheon, by taking it into his own hands to kick Cliff Lee's ass in protest of Lee's refusal to cease and desist sucking. We don't really care about how he reacted to beaning Sosa, assuming he didn't intentionally go after Sammy's head (and even if he did, that thing is like a granite slab a this point--we're not sure if Sammy actually needs a helmet, to be honest), but we're thrilled to see Victor call Lee in the first inning where Cliff was throwing slo-pitch softball. We envision something of a cage match in the "closed-door meeting" after the game, in which V-Mart pile drives Lee in the the clubhouse, puts him in a submission hold (perhaps the million-dollar dream?) and makes him scream about his curveball chugging. We're pretty sure that's what happened.

It's too bad Jake Westbrook was working on the RBI Baseball bracket in the back, b/c the "stop being bad" message didn't sink through for him, either. Last night he got himself rocked, although the offense didn't help much, letting the Sox off the hook in a bases-loaded, one-out, situation in the 4th. It was cool to see Jake anti-earn his extension on national TV. Seriously, these two ass-clowns are going to give us a heart attack if the Tribe doesn't make the playoffs.

P.S. Where the hell is Travis Hafner's bat?

This is Bad

We all know that officiating in the NBA is a problem, and we'd even go so far as to say it sucks. D-Wade shot 2,468 free throws in the last 4 games of the 2006 NBA Finals; stars get every call in the book; refs are influenced by crowds much of the time; LeBron shoots 0 free throws on 15 shot attempts in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals in Detroit's building. The list, really, is endless, and we needn't belabor the details here.

However, the depths of bad officiating have been reset and redefined after last week's news that an NBA referee is the subject of a federal investigation into gambling, inside information, call fixing and organized crime. Tim Donaghy has smeared the reputation of the NBA in such a way as is almost unthinkable, and the news could get worse, as it's not totally clear if Donaghy is alone among officials in this probe. Commissioner Stern and the entire NBA are going to have a major uphill battle to restore faith in the officiating and the league.

We won't bore you (much) with our thoughts, as it's pretty clear this can be construed in no way but a negative one. However, we'd just like to say that this is as bad a scandal as can hit a professional league, in our opinion. Officials hold all the cards, have no "subs" in a game, and are generally sheltered by their leagues from public scrutiny. This brings into sharp relief the fact that these guys have all the "hand" (Seinfeld reference), and that they can be gotten to. Officiating is supposed to be beyond reproach; the one facet of a game that levels the playing field. Teams may not be evenly matched, but at least they will be judged as equals by the people charged with calling the game. If that trust is bruised, well, Stern's gotta pull a rabbit out of his hat on this one.

Get on Your Knees and Pray...for Your Knees

LeChuckster continues his pretty remarkable return from major knee issues. In spite of the fact, as we've noted before, that no one associated with the Cleveland Browns has laid eyes on LeCharles since his miraculous recovery, he's doing a pretty good job of convincing us he'll really be ready to take part in training camp soon. Now, we're maintaining our healthy skepticism about whether he'll actually be able to play for the Browns this season (notice: no one from the Browns' organization is making much of a comment), but it's awesome news that he's going to be physically able to take the field again in this life. Maybe we'll get a practice or two out of our $36mm investment.

In all seriousness, though, we don't want him to play if it's not in a 00 jersey.

Bacation

Sorry for the brief hiatus, we were actually busy with things that took us outside of the house the last few days. We're back settled in our couch impression, and have some good stuff to get you up to speed on.

We Prefer "Bases Loaded"

It's good news for the Tribe that we didn't make the 40-man this year, b/c we kick ass at RBI Baseball (scroll down to bottom). A 16-team, to-the-death tournament is just the sort of idea that got Jake Westbrook $11mm per, and supporting such a venture is the stuff that gets managers extended deals.

We do miss the simpler days of the original Nintendo, when all it took to fix a tech glitch was blowing hard into a game cartridge and giving the equipment a swift rap on the top. Something about that seems so much easier than a call to a help center that's routed through Bangladesh and ends in you packaging your stuff to send off for 3 weeks of repairs...

The Futon Report has a good take on this story.

Sports' Most Powerful Man Not Named Scott Williams

Pretty interesting article from GQ about some random-ass guy who's turned himself into one of the most (allegedly) influential men in basketball--all levels of basketball. It also sounds like his rolodex away from hoops is pretty strong as well.

It's especially interesting to us b/c Cleveland (specifically the Cavs) figures somewhat prominently in the tale. We'd like to thank Uncle Wes for ensuring DaJuan Wagner had a year of seasoning at Memphis to prepare for busting in legendary fashion with the Cavs. We're curious where his guidance was when Juanny went out and contracted a whole cocktail of STDs, which effectively ended his career ("health issues"). Nice work there. Let's hope he doesn't get quite as close to LeBron as he was to the Wagners.

(Thanks to Clark for the look on this one)

Lighten Up, Francis

Livy, you are seriously reaching in calling out LeBron for his "baby-dunking" joke on the ESPYs this weekend. We think we are very safe in saying that you are THE ONLY person on the planet who is pissed enough about it to devote an entire "column" (we use the word loosely) to the issue. We guess it's been slow on the sports news front these past few weeks.

Perhaps you are trying to show that you're not a "homer", and that LeBron, when deserving of criticism, isn't immune to it from the hometown press. But let us be the first to tell you that the reason there was no outrage on a national level isn't b/c of an ESPN conspiracy, but b/c nobody actually gives a shit. It was a small joke guilty only of being not very funny--it wasn't a public service announcement pimping the value of child abuse and taking down humanitarianism, as you suggest. Plus, we know you're not into the interweb other than for porn, there are more sports websites and blogs out there than just ESPN that could have given voice to your indignation. Turns out, you're the only one.

1958 called, they'd like you to come back, with your turkey gizzard, for some social commentary.

Pitch A Tent

Anyone else find it strange that the Browns hadn't signed a single draft pick until 5 days before rookie orientation? Chase Pittman, one of 2 7th rounders, signed yesterday, to make 1 signee. We would think that the guys taken in rounds 4-7 would rush to sign and have a chance to make money playing football, but maybe the Browns didn't pay them much attention until recently.

Anyway, the good news is Pittman's going to be in on time. That should make up for the fact that none of Thomas, Quinn or Wright will be at rookie camp, nor are they likely to be in town on time for the start of big-boy training camp. Wait, no it won't. We've been surprised that Wright isn't in, but we were unaware of the CBA stipulation that sounds like it has every team/second rounder trying to figure out what the hell to do. Nice work, Gene Upshaw. It sounds confusing, and confusion makes our head hurt.

Thomas will be very interesting, b/c the Browns obviously don't want to pay a rookie tackle the same guarantees as a QB (V-Young) got last year b/c QBs typically command a premium. Thomas can't be faulted, though, for expecting something similar to his slot from last year. We guess the good news is that Shaffer is there for insurance, but we seem to think Thomas will press his agent to get him in and get him working. This kid wants to play (only slightly less than he wants to catch Walleye).

Funny thing on Quinn, the same QB premium that the Browns are quoting to Thomas to try to pay him less, they seem to be trying to avoid paying to Quinn b/c he was the 22 pick. Top-21 QBs, we guess, get the premium. Not top-22. Whatever happens with Quinn, we have to figure his less-than-impressive turn on the minicamp stage makes the Browns think he won't win the starting gig in training camp, so where's the fire on the Browns' side of the table, right? We can see him missing a lot of time. All the better for him to continue appearing on stage with washed out '80's glam rock bands.

Suckers

Cliff Lee and Jake Westbrook are going to cost the Tribe the Central, and possibly the wild card if one of the other starters slumps, if they can't figure out a way to fix their devastating suck-tation. Their collective allergy to being good was on major display the last three days, as Bud Shaw notices, when they tossed away 2 games to the lowly Chicago White Sox. Bud, who we typically think is not a native English speaker based on his shoddy articles, is right on point today calling these two out. We know it's bad when we agree whole-heartedly with Bud Shaw.

Each of these guys has had success in the past, though, so here's hoping they can get themselves back on track before we're looking way up at Los Tigres. Also, what the hell is the PD doing with their headlines on cleveland.com? "Plain Dealer Columnist Bud Shaw writes..." We think we're capable of figuring out that Bud Shaw authored the column by both the byline (which says, "Bud Shaw), and the picture of Dilbert to the side that accompanies all of Bud's attempts.

NFL: Police State

This one's going to be interesting. Mike Vick was just indicted on federal charges relating to this whole dog-fighting deal we've been hearing about for months. He figures to be making that face a lot in the shower room in the coming years...

Obviously, we kid, b/c that's sort of what we do here. To be clear, Vick is still presumed innocent, and has merely been indicted, which is the first step it what promises to be a long process. If the evidence doesn't support this, obviously he should be set free, but if he's guilty, man, they should do the same shit to him he's accused of having done to these dogs. We hadn't heard this before, but among other things, he's charged with, essentially, torturing and killing dogs that weren't going to fight. Wow.

So now, Commish Goodell has some doing to do. Does Vick get his due process before the commish swoops in? Pacman Jones has never been indicted in federal charges, has never been convicted of anything...does his appeal have new teeth if Vick is left alone during the legal process? By the way, it looks like Pac may be allowed to participate in training camp and even preseason games. Say what? What kind of suspension is that?

It'll be interesting. Seems to us the league can't convict Vick before the courts do.

As Long As He Doesn't Put Bowties On The Unis

Ohio State welcomes back the nattily-clad Gordon Gee to lead the nation's largest university, after about a decade chasing more prestigious academic gigs. It's an interesting choice, as far as we're concerned, given Gee's latest interaction with his athletic department (he shut down Vandy's as an independent entity) and the recent state of affairs in the Ohio State athletic department. Clearly, this choice was made for more reasons than just athletics, but we here in The Search don't care about those other reasons.

As Ohio State fans know, and as Stewart Mandel mentions, Gee is a vocal critic of big-time college athletics as currently constituted in this country. We wish we could disagree, but his baseline principle of increasing graduation rates among student-athletes at large institutions is just way too sensible. We are not of the mind here that Greg Oden should stay in school for the sake of staying in school--in fact, we think it's borderline irresponsible to make such a decision when it means passing up financial security for generations of your family--but for every Greg Oden there's a Joe Forte or Kelenna Azuibuike. We like that Gee wants to focus on bolstering the "student" part of "student-athlete".

What's interesting is that Ohio State's athletic department has been under fire, if lightly punished, in recent years as a result of their treatment of big time athletes: Mo Clarett and Jim O'Brien immediately pop to mind. With such a behemoth animal acting as the de facto face of the school, it'll be interesting to see how Gee works with Gene Smith in this latest installment. Gee oversaw a period of pretty overwhelming success the first time around, we'll watch anxiously this time.

In one last interesting note, with a "Plus-1" playoff bowl format getting some press today, it's worth mentioning that one of the most influential schools in college athletics has as its president a vehement anti-playoff proponent. We're not suggesting that Gee can impose his will in the face of these types of numbers, but his voice will certainly be heard in the Big 10 and the larger discussion.

All we hope is that he keeps Tress and Thad happy...oh, and maybe HE can figure out a way to beat effing Florida...

Fernando Cabrera: Mental Midget

For no other reason than our creepy man crush on him do we provide this picture of Brook Jacoby, circa 1987. He is the reason we would have worn #26 if we'd ever participated in a team sport that allowed us to choose our number. Whenever we create players on video games, though, we make them #26.

One thing we know for sure, though, is that old BJ would be furious w/ the poopy touch that Fernando Cabrera has exhibited over the last 18 months as a reliever for his beloved Erie Warriors. This isn't to let Cliff Lee off the hook, who has sucked bad lately, too, but Cabrera's extended affair with terribleness is killing us. And it sounds like Lee, in addition to pitching poorly, had some bad luck working against him, too. Cabrera, though, just falls victim to his own, pure, uncut suck-tation. After cooling his heels since July 6, Cabrera entered last night's 6th inning to reinforce the lack of confidence we, and he, have in his abilities.

As we've said before, we're not sure what went wrong with this guy. He was Wickman's (skinny) heir apparent in his rookie season. And now, well, now we don't think he could get Casey Blake out with runners on 2nd and 3rd. If this kid can't get it together, the Tribe is going to struggle. They need someone to occupy that slot alongside Betancourt, and it ain't coming in a trade.

Romeo, O Romeo...

Given that we're a mere 60 days from the kick-off of everyone's favorite season, it's time for the 2007 NFL season previews to get going in the media. And, as part of that, it's time for the annual teeth-kicking that Browns fans have become accustomed to when preparing, mentally, for the fall campaign.

The estimable Peter King, the finest coffee critic ever to opine on professional football, has released his '07 rankings, and much as some earlier, less established sources have, he has little in the way of respect for our beloved Dawgs:

32. Cleveland: The Browns are beginning to draft their way out of the abyss. But it's a pretty deep abyss.

The 32 you see next to "Cleveland" indicates Peter's ranking, in descending order, and, as a refresher, there are 32 teams in the NFL. So we're last. Which is sweet. Granted, we didn't expect to pop into the top-15 on the strength of Joe T and Brady Quinn, but we are surprised that the Browns drop from the 3rd worst team (tied) at the draft, to dead last in the rankings. Why are the Raiders better than the Browns? We mean, they suck balls. Tampa's gonna be terrible (Jeff Garcia?), Green Bay is atrocious, and is Houston really better with no receivers, no offensive line and a QB with 2 pro starts under his belt? As we say, we didn't expect to get past 27 or so, nor do we really think it makes a big difference in July...we're just saying.

A slightly rosier outlook comes out of Yahoo!, though, where they see at least the possibility of a .500 season for the Browns. We have to discount the entire piece, though, as a result of the assessment that Willie McGinest was the team's best LB last year. Where the hell did that come from? He's 108 years old and has no chance of making it through 16 games this season. He is certainly valuable as an instructor to the younger guys, but that's about it.

We're ready for the barrage of last place prognostications, though. Let's just say we would think the drafting of Thomas and Wright, who will both be impact players this year, the signing of Steinbach, J Lewis, Peek, and the brothers Smith, along with another year of seasoning in the 3-4 would get us into the top-30. Is that so much to ask?

Bracing for a CC-less Future

Fausto continues to deal, which is great news for the Tribe heading into a stretch playoff run. We continue to be overwhelmingly impressed by his performance, especially his ability to pitch out of jams and minimize damage. Those were two features that CC struggled (and maybe still struggles) with in his development, so it's huge to see Carmona's steely nerves so early on. Can you imagine what CC would have done to himself and others (and processed sugar products) if he'd been hung out to dry as the closer at the same age that Carmona was last year?

Our point, though, is that if Carmona keeps improving, and if Adam Miller turns out to be as good as advertised, then the Tribe probably doesn't have to invest $140mm in CC after next season. The rotation looks like it'll still be in pretty good shape. In fact, you heard it here first, watch the Tribe move CC at next year's trading deadline for a top-shelf closer.

How Pissed is Terry at Astronomers?

"The View From Pluto" took on a vastly different, and less important, meaning when the International Astronomical Union downgraded Pluto to "just a star" last year. Our favorite Cleveland sports writer, Terry Pluto, was reportedly despondent after the decision, realizing that his cute column hook was, suddenly and lamely, obsolete. It's sort of like being bumped from first class to the doo-doo seat (be sure to click on the "here" link halfway down) next to the bathroom in the back of coach.

Anyway, this week's "View" has some good stuff, as you'll see. No big surprise that Derek Anderson has the inside track at the starter's spot, in spite of the loads of time still ahead of the QB competition; and it's nice to really see on paper the depth of the OL, even without LeChuck. Which brings us to our agreement with Pluto on the Bentley situation: it's great that he says he's ok, but we still think it'd be a miracle if he played this year. No one in Cleveland has laid eyes on him in months...let's hold off on putting him in the lineup in pen. Throw in a sort of update on the Cavs, and you've got yourself a winner.

In Return for Shaving that 'Stache

In the final step of the deal that Mark Shapiro cut w/ Eric Wedge to get Wedge to shave that ungodly rug on his upper lip last year, Wedge has been inked to a 3-year extension that'll keep him around through 2010. We think this may also be further evidence that Wedge and Shapiro have entered into a civil union that has them stapled together for life...

We want to like Wedge. He seems to have done a good job so far this year, although his team's talent is pretty sharp, and it sounds like the players like him. Our only real concern is that he had a hand in major whiffs like Brandon Phillips (who is batting cleanup in Cinci, for the record) and Jeremey Guthrie (the 36-hole leader in the AL Rookie of the Year race), and we were really unhappy w/ the way he called games down the stretch in 2005. Maybe he's learned from that. Who knows. In any event, he's got a chance to show it over the next 3.5 years.

D-Gib

Amidst all the Mike Biddy talk, we got to thinking about the current status of the Cavaliers Point Guard situation. The man here at the left is Daniel Boobie Gibson. As all reading this well know, Boobie had a break out playoffs last year after a solid season that was plagued with a little of the injury bug. But the question must be addressed, is Boobie the guy for the job? Now initially many, us included, thought the playoffs were a case of a young guy who did not know any better coming in with a hot hand against an opponent who has a pretty serious habit of disrespecting opponents that they do not feel are up to their standards (worked out well for them). But Boobie showed a ton over the course of the Eastern Conference Finals and the NBA Finals, highlighted by his 31 point barrage on nine shots in game 6 against the Pistons. His efficiency throughout the biggest games in Cavalier's history was incredible. The way he reacted when the Pistons woke up and started running him off the 3 point line by consistently getting to the line and putting their bigs in foul trouble pointed to the maturity of a seasoned pro, not willing to force what he is known for. Taking what the defense gives you is probably the hardest thing for a young basketball player to do, and Boobie did it better than the vast majority of veterans in the Association could do. And he appears to be continuing to play well and efficiently as shown in his Summer League performance of 16 points on his first 6 shots, in spite of a sprained ankle and a cut under his eye.

We believe that the main issue with Boobie will ultimately be his ability guard. He was exploited to a certain extent in both the final two series last year with Billups' size and strength in the post and Tony Parker's quickness and ability to get into the heart of the Cavs' defense whenever he so chose. This is something that Mike Brown (the fact that he makes decisions here is a disturbing thought to be addressed separately) has made abundantly clear, especially in the case of Sasha, that to play for the Cavs you have to guard. This is something Boobie will have to deal with and work on if he hopes to be the type of player who plays in ALL situations.

All that being said, you go get Mike Bibby if you can, even if you have to give up Drew, the only guy on the Cavs to earn a pay check in the Finals last year. But if the Bibby talks fall apart again, we think you give the kid a chance. The Cavs are saddled with E-Snow's contract, so you utilize him in tough defensive situations if that is really the one issue (even though we are not convinced Snow is that good a defender any more) and then you let the young fella run the team. LeBron loves him and he loves being firmly within LeBron's shadow. Don't go locking up more money in an average pg that might help out, especially with the free agent list that seems to be more and more likely in 2008. We here at the search believe you hand over the keys to Boobie, especially with LeBron in the passenger seat with a Driver's Ed style break pedal to bail him out if he gets in trouble.

Now It's Time For A Silent Contest...

First things first, how tight is that photo? We think it's from around 1987, and it's just too good for words. Sheff looks as crazy as you'd expect, and is Doc calculating how to score after the media clears out or is it just us? Need we even comment on the prominent role that Soul Glo plays in the image? We thought not.

Anyway, the esteemed social commentary of Gary Sheffield continues unabated, and we love every second of it--even though right about now we'd imagine Jim Leyland is combing Sheff's contract for some sort of "muzzle clause". It's really a shame for the Tribe that there's no MLB provision for suspensions of players who continually act like fucking morons, b/c the Tigers would be hard-pressed to hold off the Indians w/ Sheff on the shelf for something like 1,000 games.

Sheff's thoughts on race relations, genetics and modern medicine never cease to intrigue, and we love that Sheff continues to lose "no-talking" contests to himself:

"I tell myself every offseason I'm not going to say anything crazy. I'm just going to have a peaceful season ... Can't do it. I'm cut from a different cloth."

Maybe a cloth that's gone out of production. Or one that's generally reserved for producing strait jackets. Whatever the case, we think this latest outburst complements, quite nicely, Gary's early season treatise on the proliferation of players of Latin descent in MLB, to make for a veritable encyclopedia insanica. George Will would be proud.

Decision Made For Us

No Mo Pete for the Cavs. And we're fine with that. The more we thought about it, the more we saw a $5mm-ish Mo Pete contract turning into a Ones (no J)/Marshall-type albatross around the Cavs' collective neck (albeit, a blinged out, diamond-encrusted albatross hanging from a 14-carat gold chain, but we digress). The Hornets have inked Mo to a 4-year deal, no other terms disclosed. He'll be on the wrong side of 30 by the end of that contract, and his tick went WAY down this past season w/ the Raps--and even went down from the middle to the end of the season. We just don't see how that could have worked out positively for the Cavs in the long run.

Bang for Your Buck

We thought it was interesting in light of all the A-Rod salary talk to bring up the point that the 1995 Cleveland Indian's combined payroll in their run through the AL was....wait for it...$35.2mm. Thats right, granted it was ten years ago, but for essentially the same amount of money you could have hired the best team in the AL, and now it gets you a dude who can mash, but also cries. As we all know, there is no crying in baseball, especially with a $252mm contract. Just not sure we would ever condone paying $30-32mm a year to a dude who cries and has never won. Peep that picture, come on, is this guy really worth that much money? Even though the guy's numbers are undeniable and he is probably a HOF lock, we would say no way he is worth that much money. Not till you get a ring broseph.

Orange and Brown Report

ESPN dropping some knowledge for us lovers of the Browns lately, which we enjoy thoroughly:

- Todd McShay, looking at the AFC's impact rookies, says :
Cleveland Browns: No. 3 overall pick Joe Thomas should win the training camp battle versus incumbent left tackle Kevin Shaffer. Second-round pick Eric Wright will make the next-biggest impact of the Browns' rookie class, as he should beat out Leigh Bodden for the starting left cornerback job.

- Todd's other buddies at Scouts, Inc. put some down on the NFL TE situation, in part saying:
4. Cleveland Browns: Kellen Winslow was plagued by injuries in his first two seasons, but had a breakout year in 2006, leading all tight ends with 89 receptions. Winslow has great athleticism and can be used in a variety of positions in different formations.

You can bet your ass that's the only top-5 the Browns have taken home in all these position rankings, and, quite frankly, it's the only top-25. Things are really looking up for these Brownies. Good thing saying stupid shit doesn't count against a position player. Or crashing motorcycles. Or microfracture surgery. Or having a dick for a dad. Otherwise the Browns probably wouldn't have had any top-5s.

P.S. Does anyone else get a middle-school-type chuckle out of reading about "athleticism", "a variety of positions", and "formations"? Sorry.

Upgrading

In search of more moments like this, the Cavs are still actively seeking opportunities to wheel, deal, and generally thrill the fan base w/ big moves. That means that Mike Bibby is still on the radar, and to be perfectly honest, we'd be ok taking back Vin Baker's contract and 5 remaining steps if it means dumping Amon Ones (plays no D, has no J) on a different check-cutting center, so this sounds like the deal of all-time to us.

Funny thing is--we never though we'd say this--we're kind of unsure how we feel about dumping Gooden. As Marc Stein points out, it gives Varejao back some leverage post-Darko. Plus, D-Good was the only other one who earned his money in the Finals, and we haven't forgotten that. Apparently, though, what we have forgotten is him dogging it 48% of the time in the regular season, playing no defense and taking horrible shots. We have memory issues.

Anyway, we liked the Bibby deal in February, and we still like it. He's only 28, we think he can still shoot the rock, and he helps take a lot of pressure off of 'Bron on offense. That's all we really care about at this point.

He Thought He Was Coming On For "Unskinny Bop"

Brady Quinn takes a ton of shit on these interwebs for stuff that, we feel, is pretty ordinary college-kid behavior. Who hasn't been photographed grabbing his buddies' crotches on golf outi--oh, well, we maybe the flack for that one was warranted.

But the point is, Brady's a 22-year-old dude, generally doing 22-year-old dude stuff. He dresses up funny to make his sister laugh at her wedding, he dates hot blonde chicks, he likes the lyrical stylings of Bret Michaels and his Poison compatriots. Who among us doesn't, right? And for this he takes an incredible amount of crud, which we mostly chalk up to jealousy.

We mean, what regular, red-blooded American lad aged 22-35 wouldn't take this picture with Bret Michaels if given the opportunity? We'd make it our screensaver AND our Christmas card, quite frankly.

And furthermore, we think it's awesome that Brady is self-effacing enough, and still enough of a fan himself, to get up on stage with Poison and sing "Nothing But A Good Time." Tell us you wouldn't do the same thing.

We're willing to admit that our vision is tinged a bit Orange and Brown, and that we'd be crying "pussy" if the Browns hadn't drafted him--but for now we like it...that's our story and we're sticking to it.

Did He Do Any "New Edition"?

Further solidifying his status as the top entertainer on the face of the planet and number one "Global Icon", young LeBron Raymone (that's his real middle name) James broke out some Bobby Brown for that ass on stage at the ESPYs last night. We headed down to Chinatown this morning and waited in line for hours for a bootleg copy of the performance, and, well, let's just say we were moved to tears. He sings, he dances, he tells jokes...is there anything he can't do (that doesn't involve the Spurs)?

It's Go Time

The second half kicks off tomorrow night against the Royals (great draw for the Tribe, while the Tigers have the icy-hot Mariners) at home, and Pluto's got a pretty good rundown of what the Erie Warriors are going to need to bring home some hardware. Stat-of-the-day that shocked us in the article: Pronk has hit .191 w/ RISP so far. That is unconscionable. As we mentioned, hopefully the new contract pulls him out of that Casey Blake-ish strata.

Getting a Brazilian

We have no idea how to say anything in Portugese, so we won't even try. What we will say is that our favorite place for brunch/smoking-hot-babe people watching in New York City was Felix, a Brazilian/French cafe in SoHo. So, we feel an affinity for the people of Brazil.

And we're pretty happy that Cleveland's favorite Braziler, Andy Varejao, looks to be out of options and will likely return to the Cavs. While we worry about Andy's mental state after having been cast aside by the Grizz in favor of Darko Milicic (Darko Milicic??!?!!), we know LeBron likes the wild man, and will be happy to have him back. What's more, the Cavs find themselves in a place where they've got Varejao by the short hairs since no other team in the league has any cap room to make a run at Varejao.

That said, we're not big believers in doing the bare minimum and exploiting a situation like this. We hadn't realized that the Cavs and Varejao's camp were far apart on dough, but we definitely don't like the idea of a pissed off Varejao playing for a $1.3mm qualifying offer. If Darko got $7mm per, we say we start there w/ Andy in the interest of keeping him happy, while recognizing he's out of options. We're sure #35 has something ingenious cooked up, though.

Patellar Tendons on the Brain

We feel silly even mentioning it, b/c we're quite sure you all already knew this, but last year there were 3 patellar tendon tears in the NFL. We're sure you further know that those 3 patellar tendons were all torn by people wearing Browns uniforms. And, by now, you've caught onto the tragic fact that those 3 tendons were torn in a mere 2 players. Good stuff, Brownies. That kind of luck you just can't make up.

Well, the Dayton Daily News has revisited the subject of injured Browns, which we appreciate. The Bodden-as-key-to-secondary observation is nothing earth-shattering, clearly, but it's nice to hear him say he'll be ready to roll. We tend to put more stock in his saying he'll recover from an ankle scope, though, than we do in Gary Baxter and LeCharles Bentley's assurances that they have turned millenia of medical wisdom on its head and have recovered from devastating knee injuries in slightly more time than it takes to get over the chicken pox. We're hopeful, but we're just sayin'

Big News

Holy shit. This is...holy shit. Big news out of the Land of Cleves, friends. Holy shit.

The PD is reporting that Pronk has signed an extension with the Tribe that'll keep him launching balls into the right field mezzanine at the Jake through 2012. Bottom line, he's inked for 4 more years, following the end of the 2008 season, at $48mm. To be completely honest, we think that's a bargain, given that Papi and Hideki Matsui make $13mm+. We're a bit surprised that his agents opened talks in the midst of a sub-par 2007 for Travis, but we're not complaining. And, ultimately, $12mm a year isn't exactly peanuts. You know how many acres of wheat in South Dakota $12mm can land you? We estimate eleventy billion.

This is great news. We get several more years of unadulterated G-Size, Victor, Peralta, and Hafner in the lineup. We're hopeful that Pronk will pull an anti-Westbrook, and instead of going in the tank after signing his extension, we'll see Travis start bashing away.

So we're 2-for-2 on getting big impending free agents back under contract in Westbrook and Hafner. We believe we recall Shapiro saying it'd be expecting a lot to go 3-for-3 (including CC), so we remain skeptical about bringing Carsten Charles back. 2 out of 3 ain't bad, though.

It Was This or "Catching Up With Pat Tabler"

As we mentioned, it's a pretty friggin slow day in sports, in general, and Cleveland sports, as well.

Leave it to the good people at the Plain Dealer sports department to spice things up with a "minor leaguers to watch who aren't actually our top minor leaguers" feature.

We'd be thrilled if Jay would weigh in with some inside "baseball dude" thoughts on these guys. All we know is that Stephen Head remains our favorite prospect, even though he can't crack .260 in Kinston. Yikes.

Oh, and we're naming our first son Asdrubal.

Carmen Ohio

Ah, the Buckeye. How we miss being rushed to the hospital time after time as a kid after we ate the poisonous fruit of the gorgeous tree at the end of our childhood driveway. Memories.

Those episodes cemented our loyalty to the Buckeyes of THE Ohio State University, let's officially go on the record with that. There are some fools in Northeast Ohio who align themselves with that other state up north, but we'd never stoop so low. We love our Buckeyes, and we cried after the BCS game in January.

Anyway, on a ridiculously slow sports day, cnnsi.com made the wise choice to run down the top-10 athletes in Ohio State history, which we took pleasure in examining closely. A couple of observations:

- The Bear is #9? That seems alarmingly low for the greatest golfer in history, who was dominant in college, too. 2 US Amateurs while in C-Bus? That's absurd.
- Sort of surprising that Greg Br-Oden made the list, though we're not criticizing much. He was good last year, but we feel as though Hondo (Lucas made the list), Jim Jackson or one of Chris Jent/Treg Lee/Mark Baker may have been a more deserving hoops alum.
- Katie Smith. Wow. Totally deserved to make the list, but we didn't think of her. She was ridiculous. And we'd never heard of Blaine Wilson, but sounds like he was pretty good if you're in to gymnastics and leotards on dudes. How pissed is Lucas that he came in behind Wilson, by the way?
- Hopalong Cassady never allowed a pass to be completed on him in 4 years? This guy didn't run for president? We heard Pacman Jones modeled his game after Hopalong...
- Total nitpick, but Jesse Owens should probably have been 1, with all due respect to Archie. They were obviously 1-2, but what Owens accomplished as a Buckeye was monumental in more respects than just sports.

Others receiving votes: Nick Swisher (great salad), baseball; Bucks (inside joke, sorry), lacrosse; Joe Pickens, football; Tim Cheatwood, football; Boban Savovic, hoops.

What Do You Know From Funny?

We've totally whiffed on commenting about the LeBron/Kimmel commercials for the ESPYs. To us, these things are pure genius. LeBron, obviously, kills with his comedic timing and straight man delivery, while carrying Kimmel and his goons on his back. Look out Richard Pryor, there's a new King of Comedy on the block. George Burns who? Tonight should be a celebration of LeBron's true presence and status as a Global Icon...and we can't wait to see the gown that Sian Cotton has picked out as LeBron's date. It's clearly only a matter of time before LeBron's first feature film, and we can definitely see him as a Bond in the near future.

It's also a further pretty good day for LeBron--let's be honest, are there any bad days?--as he finds out just how much money he'll make playing hoops next year for the Cleveland Cavaliers. Our hearts do not go out to the King this morning, and we're not worried about his being able to make the mortgage payments in Bath, but there's no doubt he's the bargain of the century at $13mm+. Let's just hope that $17mm is enough to keep him in Cleveland for his extension year and that #35 figures out a way to lock him up past that.

The "Silent" Sponsor Was Little Debbie

First and foremost, we are SHOCKED that our invite to CC Sabathia's birthday party didn't arrive in time. It must have gone to our old New York address. With all the love and support we've directed toward our portly hurler, we expected a VIP ticket at the least.

In any case, it sounds like CC's bash was quite the scene, man. Playboy, Crown, David Wright...that isht was off the hook. We were especially taken by the tale of the DJ's heartfelt calls wishing CC a happy birthday.

The real interesting part, though, as Jay pointed out to us, is that the words "Cleveland" and "Indians" are mentioned a grand total of two times in the article (once each). Plus, in the list of ballplayers trotted out by the article's author as being in the VIP section, neither of CC's beloved Indians compatriots at the All-Star Game was mentioned. We don't get a warm fuzzy feeling about the prospects of bringing CC back to C-Town after next year, especially following the story about how excited he and grandpa Sabathia had gotten when local favorite Barry Bonds had returned to play for the Giants.

Thanks to Drew for the look on this one, and, as Mike mentioned to us, for the sartorial consult to Sabathia. The untucked, well-pressed button down is a Drew staple.

A Penny For Your Thoughts

So this beast is Brad Penny. Now we know that he is not a Clevelander or a Cleveland athlete, but after watching him pitch in the first inning of the all-star game it is official that this is the man like whom we would most like to throw a baseball. Does it get any smoother? We aren't even sure if the guy tries to throw it hard and yet he rips that thing in there. Doesn't hurt that he got a pretty easy 1-2-3 against the AL in the first. On top of throwing like a G, we have also seen pictures of Penny with the likes of Alyssa Milano, thats right, who's the boss herself. Nice work. Now that is way too much love for a non Lake Erie baller, so we are done.

David Stern Will F*ck You Up

How do you undo 18 years of commendable service at your place of employment in under 14 minutes? Take on NBA Commissioner David Stern. One of ESPN's most recognizable faces and voices, Dan Patrick, suffered the wrath of Stern when he announced yesterday that he was "leaving" ESPN to pursue other opportunities. This, just weeks after Patrick, on national radio, called out Stern's decision on the suspensions of Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw in the playoffs.

Clearly, we have no idea if the Stern thing had anything to do with Patrick's leaving...but let's just say we're getting a new lock on the front door after we were talking to ourselves in the shower about Stern getting too powerful last week. He is "Big Brother"...

Francisco...That's Fun To Say

After limping into the All-Star break at 1-4, the Tribe seems like they're ready to lay down on the couch and do some good, old-fashioned soul searching. Coming into the second half down a game to the Tigers and after losing 1-0 to Kevin Towers and the Blue Jays (blowing a rare Paul Byrd gem), we can see why the Erie Warriors are looking for a few answers. We can think of no better place to start throwing knives than Fernando Cabrera. Who the hell knows what happened to that homeboy, but he's got zero game at this stage. Talk about a fall from grace--he went from Fat Wickman's surefire replacement to Fausto Carmona's personal valet in about 8 seconds flat. We say get rid of him. It's a bit like Jeremy Guthrie: he will probably be good again, but he's got no chance in C-town...too much baggage.

Also, what in the name of Sam Hell is going on with astrophysicist Jeremy Sowers? 5+ ERA in AAA? Uh, you stink. At least he has a fledgling career in NASA onto which he can fall back...

Finally, we ask if Ben Francisco can play third base? Clearly, Andy Marte isn't, uh, panning out, as far as that Hall of Fame hot-corner career is concerned. Given that he hasn't played in a big league game since who knows when, we're not sure what to expect. Anytime your future cornerstone is supplanted by Casey Blake, well, you're headed to troubletown. Francisco, however, looks like he's ready for Cooperstown. Let's teach him to play the bunt.

EuroTrip

Juan Carlos Navarro. To be honest, we've never heard of him, but that's why we're here and trusty #35 is behind a desk at The Gund studying a Spanish "Rosetta Stone" lesson. It sounds like he's got some game, what with the whole "one of the best players in Europe" comment, and the Cavs can certainly use some shooting. And if those Euros can do anything, it's shoot the rock, man. Are we right? Plus, $4mm per is pocket change in this NBA.

Anyway, we have no clue about this cat, but we're here to bring you the straight dope on Cleveland sports. Let's go get LeBron as much help as humanly possible.

Summer Madness

So the two are can't miss. That is a consensus. No one is going to argue any differently even if the two struggled a bit in their summer league openers against rookies and un-proven guys trying to make it. No one is going to argue even if they both had their first shots swatted by the one and only, yes Cleveland fans, our very own 8th pick in the 2001 Draft (the guy drafted 6 years ago and who is still playing in the summer leagues...yeah that one), DeSagana Diop. Now we here at the search know as well as anyone that one or two games in the summer means nothing in the grand scheme of things. All it shows is that it is absolutely an incredible jump going from college to the pros. These guys are both going to be good, but they struggled in their first couple games against borderline NBA talent. The fact that someone like LeBron James came into the league at 18 after being checked by 6'2" white guys from Tallmadge in High School and did what he did and has done is amazing. We watched Durant for a while last night as he struggled to a 4-19 shooting night with Renaldo Balkman pushing him around. Durant's lack of physical strength was excessively apparent in the fourth quarter when he was being guarded by the 6'4" Rodrick Wilmont out of Indiana, and Durant could not get any type of position on the block, despite his 6 inch advantage. Now the strength will come. It will come with an NBA workout regiment and frankly it will come when the kid hits puberty and grows into his body. But the game last night showed that no matter how "can't miss" you are, there are a lot of adjustments that must be made to be successful in the association. But I guess that is why they play in the summer.

What Do We Do With All These Damn Wigs?

If Andy Varejao leaves C-town for the Memphis Grizzlies there will be thousands of overweight 50+ers in Cleveland who are devastated that they can no longer sport their poofy wigs to work in support of their favorite Brazilian whirlwind. That, alone, may be reason to hang onto the offensively-challenged Varejao. It's been made fairly clear in the past that Varejao isn't thrilled with the weather situation in Cleveland, but we'd think he'd want to stick with LeBron as this team grows. Who knows, though? He is an unpredictable goofball...just witness the hair.

We can't really see a scenario in which it's worth $8mm+ to keep Varejao. He's obviously a good energy guy, but doesn't really play a lot of defense away from his flopping, and has limited offense. We just don't quite know how high his ceiling goes. If LeBron wants him, though, we'll chip in at least $48.52.

As far as the other free agents in the article: limited interest in Posey, even though he's a Cleveland guy, mainly b/c he can play D and would probably come fairly cheap; Mo Williams would be our top choice since he's a legit PG, quite frankly, but the Cavs won't be able to afford him; less than no interest in The Predator (Mikki Moore); and we can't decide on Mo Pete. He can shoot the rock still, but he didn't see the floor that much this year in Toronto, which is a concern, and he doesn't play D.

Back in Action

Sorry for the hiatus, loyal readers, but we're back now. After spending 5 days in our old Optimus Prime costume camped outside of the Regal Cinemas attacking every Mustang that passed by, we had to take a non-nerd day yesterday since our girlfriend had off from work. Such is life.

Rest easy, though, as we are pretty confident we didn't miss much in the world of Cleveland sports, so neither did you.

At Least Someone's Paying Attention

While the good people of Cleveland may not realize there's a group of adult men playing baseball for a living down on E. 9th St., it sounds like a lot of the rest of the baseball world appreciates the work that CC Sabathia, G-Size and Victor Martinez are putting in so far. Those 3 guys will sport Chief Wahoo in San Fran for the All-Star Game next week, and we're excited to see them play 2/3 of an inning each.

We'd expected CC to go, and probably start given he's the only 12-game winner in the bigs; we're not surprised to see Victor on the squad, since he's the best offensive catcher in baseball; but we're a little surprised that G-Size was voted on, we guess it's a testament to how widely respected his game is.

Barry Bonds is going to start, too, after pulling a miracle comeback to win the fan vote in the last 3 days the polls were open. There's no question the Giants engaged in some untoward activity to get him on the field (and keep the commish from dealing with the issue), but we thought Barry should be on the team, even though he is the anti-Christ.

Anyway, if you're reading this and you live in Cleveland...feel free to go down to Jacobs Field and check out an Indians game.

Hoping For A Miracle

For Browns fans, this pic is way too familiar...and reminds of a swift kick in the nards. Hometown hero LeCharles Bentley came back to anchor the revitalization of his beloved Brownies last year, only to suffer a 1-in-a-million knee injury, and, apparently, almost lose his life. Now, the news is out that LeCharles plans to report for camp and play this season. All we've got on this development is "wow".

Considering Browns' fans were being conditioned for the inevitable reality that Bentley would never play again, this is amazing. We hope LeCharles isn't rushing back and risking further injury, but we certainly wish him luck...and feel all tingly in the crotchal region when we think about an o-line of Joe T, Steinbach, Fraley, Bentley, Shaffer.

Draft Talk

Brian Windhorst has some last minute news on this evening's NBA draft, as it relates to the Cavs. We tend to put the likelihood of the Cavs actually pulling the trigger on getting a pick at more like 30/70, but let's not split hairs.

As for the player talk, we like Jared Dudley. Although we'd like to see more of a shot to get higher into the first round. We're ACC fans, and can say, unlike the professional sports writer composing the article, that we have watched a bit of Dudley and we like his game. He's got that ever-elusive "mid-range" game, and he's a high energy, scrapper type of guy. Not sure if he fits what the Cavs need, but he's a talent. Plus, John "the GZA" Hollinger's numbers make Dudley look pretty solid. We've always been fans of Professor Hollinger's work, except for the fact that he makes us feel like drooling morons.

(Thanks to Luke for the show on the Hollinger stuff.)

So Pretty

There he is ladies and gentleman, then next great one. For all the hype surrounding Mr. Oden, we believe people still do not grasp his overall athleticism. The kid is insanely quick up into the air and has great timing to boot. He will be an instant impact on the boards and the defensive end, and we think he will show flashes on the offensive end that will be unexpected to most. Half a season in the Big Ten with one hand, his off hand, has made Oden adapt his game. He has a bread and butter jump hook with his right hand that is only slightly (thanks to the injury last year) trailed by his left hand. Also he will clean up on the boards getting himself plenty of garbage point. We are looking for a line of about 13, 11.5 and 2.25 as a rookie, helping the Blazer's compete for a playoff spot in the stacked West. But much of the value associated with this kid will not show up in the stat line. He will give his team all sorts of confidence on the defensive end that will translate to all other aspects of the game.

We know all of this is not a huge shock, and we are not going all that far out on a limb claiming that Oden is the next great one, but we are convinced completely that as the JailBlazer's with the number one pick in this draft there was not even a second of uncertainty as to who you take. That is not to say that Durant will not be a perennial all-star/scoring champ, but this lovely grill you are staring at right now is going to win championships. Look for LeBron-Oden (where ever they are playing and Bron better be in C-town) NBA finals for many years to come.

The Perils of Selling to a Ninny

Let's just say we were skeptical at the time of the sex appeal that bringing Usher into the Cavaliers' ownership group brought with it. Then he came up with that retarded crossing C's, lean/rock with it deal, sitting right at courtside, and all of our worst fears were confirmed. At least Jay-Z looks like he might have balled at some point. Usher looks like he was on the equestrian team, and shoots a set shot from his hip with a little left leg kick as he releases the ball. Come on, Dan Gilbert.

Well, it's all coming full circle, as the worst article we've ever read reports (sort of near the bottom) that there's potentially been a rift between Usher and LeBron (they did stop playing "Yeah!" on the jumbotron, which is weird b/c the play every other annyoing hip hop song 14 times a game at full volume). We can't imagine the circumstances that would lead to a LeBron/Usher feud (Usher trying to coach LBJ on his free throws?), but we love the possibilities.

Anyway, we know how this would end. LeBron would military press Usher, then forcibly eject him from the Gund, and return his ownership stake in straight cash, homey. Let that burn, Ush.

Greetings, Earthlings...

Now that's a face made for radio, isn't it? John Clayton really stepped in a golden pile of shit when he got himself in the center of the NFL information universe, and has since become arguably the best source in the league. Despite the fact that he's employed by the evil empire (ESPN). Move over, Mort; get to work on that comb-over, Len Pasquarelli...

This week, John's giving us some non-information on our loveable Grandpa Romeo and the Brownies, among other things. We guess the point is that Romeo, as far as everyone on the planet is concerned, is resting his copious buttocks on a hotsie-totsie seat. Sounds like there's no argument about that now. In response to the can-Romeo-win question, Clayton lays out several of the question areas the Browns are struggling with, and leaves us with no conclusion. Nice.

We'll give it a shot: No. Romeo will not last through the season.

Did I Forget the Butter?

Nothing new or insightful to say here, we just thought that this was a really funny picture of The King. Wreath on his dome (a wreath?), that whack-ass medal dangling, and the almost-audible fart noise emanating from his mouth. Seriously, what the hell was he doing there? Could he be any less interested in what's happening around him in this shot? Do we think he peed on the wreath on the way out of the arena?

Our best guess as to his thoughts at this moment: You know what would be tight...putting a barber shop AND a craps table in my new join in Bath...

Kelly Shoppach: Super Genius

Once more, we are reminded of the magic of the Indians' legendary summer of 1995 by this 2007 edition. Great home record, amazing comeback wins on pinch-hit homers, sluggers hunting down insolent kids on Halloween in their F-350s...wait, maybe not so much the last one. But the excitement and quality of play from this year's squad harkens back to the mid-90s, even if the attendance doesn't. 17,000 people showed face last night? That's pathetic. Maybe if Travis Hafner changed his first name to LeBron things would be different... We've lived in Cleveland, and we can pretty well assure you, dear reader, that there's not a ton else to do on a Tuesday night in June away from going to a Tribe game.

Oh, and Eric Wedge's complete refusal to use the sacrifice bunt (or manufacture runs) drives us almost as insane and Mike Hargrove's torrid love affair with the diarrhea twins: Eric Plunk and Assenmacher, Paul in that '95 campaign. The parallels are frightening.

But, uh, congrats to Kelly Shoppach. Too bad you're riding pine behind the AL's best catcher, but keep it up.