Say Hey

We started to get a little bit excited when word started to make the rounds recently that the real life Willie Mays Hayes, Kenny Lofton, might make a return appearance in a Tribe uni at the ripe age of 41. He's killing it right now in Texas, hitting over .300, and looks to be a pretty solid left-handed addition to the suspect platoon going on in the Indians' corner outfield slots. We met Kenny once, on a busted-ass driving range in SoCal, and he was very friendly, and very complimentary about Cleveland and his time there. So, we were extra excited.

HOWEVA, we just heard Tim Kurkjian say on ESPN that the Rangers had asked for Adam Miller in return for Lofton. That's stud, future-ace, pitcher Adam Miller, and not another Adam Miller who catches bullpen session in AA, as we thought it may have been. Apparently, the Rangers' GM was still on a contact high from his 10-year high school reunion when he made that demand. Are you kidding me? John Hart, you clearly left the Rangers in good hands when you bailed, man.

Name Recognition

We've always enjoyed bizarre names, they give us a good chuckle, and there seems to be no more fertile field for names that are fun to say than the world of sports. Where else will you find God Shamgodd, SirValiant Brown, Majestic Mapp and his brother Scientific, Albert Pujols (if he weren't a perennial MVP candidate, he'd no doubt still be famous merely for the proper pronunciation of his last name)? Cherokee Parks? Picabo Street? Orenthal? We could go on for hours, of course.

So, we're going to try a new little feature here in The Search. Each week, we'll lay out for you the sports names that made us the most chuckle-y during the course of the week, and we welcome your contributions. Disclaimer: this is in no way intended to poke fun at the people themselves, their families, various cultures, traditions, languages, etc., but simply an effort to entertain in an admittedly childish fashion. If you can't see the unintentional comedic genius of a name like Scientific Mapp, well, we just can't help you.

Since it's the first week, we'll take it a little light. And we'll be searching like a hawk going forward:

-Jrue Holiday, G, High School -- UCLA hoops recruit, one of the top-rated points in the class of '08.
-Melquan Bolding, F, High School -- Louisville hoops recruit.
-Tjaart Van Der Walt, Golfer
-BenJarvus Green-Ellis, RB, Ole Miss

Stop the Presses

In the non-shocking upset of the day, John Clayton, ESPN.com's "Senior NFL Writer" (is there a Junior NFL Writer?) reports:

Brady Quinn's agent, Tom Condon, met with the Browns on Sunday, but neither side is close to a contract. The Browns opened rookie camp without their top three choices -- left tackle Joe Thomas, Quinn and cornerback Eric Wright.

Among the problems holding up the Quinn negotiations is what to do in the fourth and fifth years if he becomes the team's starting quarterback. He lost about $20 million in guarantees by dropping to the 22nd pick.

We don't expect Quinn in camp anytime soon, especially since he's substantially behind in the QB race at this point. But we're crossing our fingers for Thomas and Wright to get in soon, b/c they're really going to be the impact rookies this year, and we need them to get going.

He Really is a Baller

V-Mart has long been at or near the top of our list of favorite Indians. He straight-up rakes, he's a great leader in the clubhouse, and his high-five routines with everyone on the team are too sweet for words. Plus, he finally stopped throwing with the wrong hand and is now clipping would-be base-stealers at a double-digit rate.

But now, he's catapulted himself even higher in our personal Indians pantheon, by taking it into his own hands to kick Cliff Lee's ass in protest of Lee's refusal to cease and desist sucking. We don't really care about how he reacted to beaning Sosa, assuming he didn't intentionally go after Sammy's head (and even if he did, that thing is like a granite slab a this point--we're not sure if Sammy actually needs a helmet, to be honest), but we're thrilled to see Victor call Lee in the first inning where Cliff was throwing slo-pitch softball. We envision something of a cage match in the "closed-door meeting" after the game, in which V-Mart pile drives Lee in the the clubhouse, puts him in a submission hold (perhaps the million-dollar dream?) and makes him scream about his curveball chugging. We're pretty sure that's what happened.

It's too bad Jake Westbrook was working on the RBI Baseball bracket in the back, b/c the "stop being bad" message didn't sink through for him, either. Last night he got himself rocked, although the offense didn't help much, letting the Sox off the hook in a bases-loaded, one-out, situation in the 4th. It was cool to see Jake anti-earn his extension on national TV. Seriously, these two ass-clowns are going to give us a heart attack if the Tribe doesn't make the playoffs.

P.S. Where the hell is Travis Hafner's bat?

This is Bad

We all know that officiating in the NBA is a problem, and we'd even go so far as to say it sucks. D-Wade shot 2,468 free throws in the last 4 games of the 2006 NBA Finals; stars get every call in the book; refs are influenced by crowds much of the time; LeBron shoots 0 free throws on 15 shot attempts in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals in Detroit's building. The list, really, is endless, and we needn't belabor the details here.

However, the depths of bad officiating have been reset and redefined after last week's news that an NBA referee is the subject of a federal investigation into gambling, inside information, call fixing and organized crime. Tim Donaghy has smeared the reputation of the NBA in such a way as is almost unthinkable, and the news could get worse, as it's not totally clear if Donaghy is alone among officials in this probe. Commissioner Stern and the entire NBA are going to have a major uphill battle to restore faith in the officiating and the league.

We won't bore you (much) with our thoughts, as it's pretty clear this can be construed in no way but a negative one. However, we'd just like to say that this is as bad a scandal as can hit a professional league, in our opinion. Officials hold all the cards, have no "subs" in a game, and are generally sheltered by their leagues from public scrutiny. This brings into sharp relief the fact that these guys have all the "hand" (Seinfeld reference), and that they can be gotten to. Officiating is supposed to be beyond reproach; the one facet of a game that levels the playing field. Teams may not be evenly matched, but at least they will be judged as equals by the people charged with calling the game. If that trust is bruised, well, Stern's gotta pull a rabbit out of his hat on this one.

Get on Your Knees and Pray...for Your Knees

LeChuckster continues his pretty remarkable return from major knee issues. In spite of the fact, as we've noted before, that no one associated with the Cleveland Browns has laid eyes on LeCharles since his miraculous recovery, he's doing a pretty good job of convincing us he'll really be ready to take part in training camp soon. Now, we're maintaining our healthy skepticism about whether he'll actually be able to play for the Browns this season (notice: no one from the Browns' organization is making much of a comment), but it's awesome news that he's going to be physically able to take the field again in this life. Maybe we'll get a practice or two out of our $36mm investment.

In all seriousness, though, we don't want him to play if it's not in a 00 jersey.

Bacation

Sorry for the brief hiatus, we were actually busy with things that took us outside of the house the last few days. We're back settled in our couch impression, and have some good stuff to get you up to speed on.